Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Alaskhole

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, alaska, climate change, denali, oil, bear grylls, dog, martha's vineyard
"Wow," you may be saying to yourself. "Stilt certainly went a long way to set up that joke." But not as far, we hasten to point out, as Barack Obama himself has gone for his joke of a visit to Alaska - spewing tons of planet-killing gasses from Air Force One the entire way.

The president has journeyed to the 57th state (or is it the 56th?) in order to take credit for new oil drilling and to decry the imminent environmental disaster the world faces from, uh, new oil drilling. Say what you will about the man, but he does have a gift for hypocrisy.

Speaking of which, while in Alaska Mr. Obama will also be taping a guest appearance on the popular reality series "Running Wild with Bear Grylls" in which the president will demonstrate the wilderness survival skills he's honed during multiple visits to Martha's Vineyard.

Scheduled events include discussing climate change while hiking along a glacier which has shrunken by a terrifying 1.25 miles "in recent decades" and, if circumstances allow,  killing and devouring a wild dog topped with Indonesian "Soetoro sauce."

On a military note, the president is calling for the construction and deployment of more icebreakers in arctic waters to help counterbalance the growing and aggressive dominance of Russia in the region. Currently, Vladimir Putin has 41 icebreakers and Obama only has two. Unless you're willing to include "Hi there, is this your first visit to Man's Country?"

The president will be leaving one additional mark on Alaska (not unlike writing his name in the snow) by renaming America's highest peak - thereby creating thousands of jobs for people in the business of printing maps and atlases.

As a gesture of support to Alaska's native population, what was formerly Mt. McKinley will now be known as "Denali" - which is the traditional Athabascan name meaning "The High One."

Perhaps not coincidentally, this was also the president's nickname in the Choom Gang.

We'll be here all week, folks. Try the seal!

Monday, August 31, 2015

Straightjacket, No Chaser

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hillary, terroists, nazis, black lives matter, huma, trump, insanity, iran

It's official: the Left has gone insane. We don't mean metaphorically insane - we mean true foaming at the mouth, howling at the moon, hibbity-bibbity-bibbity lip-burbling, farting in the bathtub and snapping at the bubbles while giggling insane. And they're running around loose!

Consider these factoids from just the past few days: Hillary Clinton compared the GOP to terrorists because they don't support the killing, dissection, and sale of dismembered infants. Not certifiable enough? Then how about her claim that any GOP candidate who supports enforcement of our border and immigration laws is essentially a Nazi who plans to “unleash a massive law enforcement effort– including perhaps National Guard and others–to go and literally pull people out of their homes and their workplaces, round them up...put them in boxcars.”

Not to be outdone in the insanity department, Barack Obama derisively declared that people are "crazies" if they don't support his Iran deal's plan to give hundreds of billions of dollars to the largest state-sponsor of terrorism on Earth (whose officials, by the way, are still shrieking "Death to America" out of their spit-flecked bearded pieholes when not howling promises to wipe Israel off the map).

Meanwhile, if Obama had sons and daughters who were belligerent, ignorant, aggressive, cop-hating lunatics, they'd look a lot like Leftist darlings "Black Lives Matter." (Side note: the Left now accepts the idea that saying "White Lives Matter," or "All Lives Matter" is hate speech.) On Saturday, the group staged a protest march in Minnesota in which they followed a group of police officers while enthusiastically shouting "Pigs in a blanket, fry 'em like bacon!" One protester wore a "Kill White Supremacy" t-shirt.

And why were the protestors in such a festive mood? Because only hours before in Texas, Sheriff's Deputy Darren H. Goforth, a white man, was shot in the back and killed while pumping gas into his patrol car. The killer was a black man who took the opportunity to shoot the officer in the back because he was in uniform.

Meanwhile, the mainstream media is calling Donald Trump a dangerous, hate-filled loony because he keeps saying we should "Make America Great Again." Even in these days in which the sanity ship has clearly sailed (and sunk), that doesn't sound crazy to us.

The brutal on-air murder of two young white journalists by an embittered, incompetent, perpetually aggrieved black man with a taste for race war has reopened arguments about mental health in this country, and when the clearly insane should be involuntarily committed for the good and safety of the community.

We suggest that the time is now - and the first two to be committed to the (ahem) Political Asylum should be Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, followed by many more on the liberal Left.

And yes, we may need to use boxcars.

All aboard! There's always room for one more!

Friday, August 28, 2015

Vidiot


We would never say that the cold-blooded murder of two young television journalists, broadcast live, is much ado about nothing. But we will say that too much of the rhetoric we're hearing in the aftermath amounts to much ado about a no one.

Specifically, a no one who was a loser, a whiner, and - most importantly - an asshole.

The shooter, himself a former (and serially incompetent) wannabee TV journalist, desperately wanted attention - so Hope n' Change isn't going to give it to him. We won't use his name (either his real name, or on-air name), or quote from his masturbatory "manifesto."

We won't grant him the significance of representing anyone else except, perhaps, other assholes. It doesn't matter that he was black. It doesn't matter that he was gay. It doesn't matter who he supported politically, or what delusional agenda he was hoping to set in motion by committing murders and showcasing them on social media.

We don't think that this particular asshole was interesting or important enough to inspire debate on gun laws, mental health treatment, workplace racism, or political correctness. He wasn't indicative of anything about our society, other than that it's teeming with assholes who act unpredictably, and sometimes good and innocent people will tragically be unable to get out of their way.

But speaking of assholes (we segued deftly), Barack Obama's comment on this horrific shooting was wildly inappropriate: "What we know is that the number of people who die from gun-related incidents around this country dwarfs any deaths that happen through terrorism."

Really, Barry? Do you really think that this is the time for you to once again insert yourself as the apologist-in-chief for radical Islam, and that the lesson to be learned from these tragic deaths is that terrorism is no big deal?!

Granted, if we look at the past few years, there are far more deaths caused in Chicago alone by gun-wielding thugs than by terrorists nationwide. Not that Barry is doing anything - anything - to stem the pandemic of black-on-black inner city violence.

But it's doubly troubling when he treats terrorism as a game which can be played by statistics alone.  The number of deaths by terrorism spiked dramatically on September 11th, and could do so again at any time - making a mockery of gun death numbers.

In much the same way that Obama claims the only options for dealing with Iran are utter capitulation or all-out war, he's floating the preposterous notion that America can fight gun violence or terrorism but not both. That's not only preposterous, but it's morally reprehensible political opportunism of the worst kind.

Asshole.