Monday, May 2, 2016

Stand Up Tragedy

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"Don't try the veal. It's from Planned Parenthood."
In a shocking oversight, Hope n' Change wasn't invited to Barack Obama's final White House Correspondents Dinner on Saturday - an annual black tie affair (even if your tie had a white mother) in which members of the news media, Hollywood celebrities, and politicians gather to make scathing remarks about what hateful, self-involved, peon-hating jackasses everyone else in the room is...while pretending that they're joking.

The level of decorum at the event can pretty much be summed up by comedian Larry Wilmore's reference to the president as a "niggah," which is being gleefully reported by the media as a term of praise and endearment. So perhaps we'll have to try using it in the future to show that, despite our ideological differences, we're still Mr. Obama's homeboys. After all, like Barry we're half-white. Granted, our other half is white, too.

Obama scored plenty of laughs with the best jokes that your tax money can buy, although he perhaps crossed a line when he said of Hillary's "Woman Card" that it's "the ace in her hole." Okay, he didn't actually say that, but we'd have happily given him the joke for free.

Preferably as a going away gift.

Friday, April 29, 2016

Here's Looking At You, Id

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And Krell metal? It sucks. Sucks. It's metal for losers. You need real American steel.
Here at Hope n' Change, our favorite movie of all time is Forbidden Planet. If you haven't seen it, lay your hands on a copy as soon as possible or forever regret a life only half-lived.  And for that matter, stop reading this commentary until after you've seen the film, because there will be spoilers ahead.

Dr. Morbius (we don't know if his first name is Donald) is the smartest man in the universe ("I have a very high IQ, very high. It's beautiful."), has built many impressive structures, and has a plan to make the world, under his guidance, absolutely perfect for everyone using the power of his wonderful, wonderful very big brains.

The only little problem is the appearance of an invisible monster which rips to shreds anyone who disagrees with Morbius about anything. Which, sooner or later, turns out to be practically everyone. Oops!

It's his "monster from the id" that acts on subconscious qualities of fear, anger, envy, lust, and resentment. Our baser extincts which are so hard to contain, and which feel soooo good to let out  - whatever the consequences.

And in some significant ways, Donald Trump is starting to feel like our collective "monster from the id." The personification of unsubtle, ignoble, and anti-intellectual impulses which are entirely understandable given the provocations we've all endured for over seven years.

Before any Trump supporters swear off Hope n' Change forever, we'll admit the possibility that there are reasons to support Trump which can appeal to the "thinky" parts of our brains, although personally we're still desperately looking for them (his big and frequently self-contradictory foreign policy speech on Wednesday sounded to us like an 8th grader's oral report on a book he hadn't read).

Frankly, we still like Cruz and approve of his selection of Fiorina as a possible VP. But we don't think they're going to stop the Trump juggernaut, any more than the Krell metal door above kept the monster from the id from turning on its creator.

Rest assured, however, that if Trump does land the nomination, we have no plans to criticize him in this forum unless he goes waaaaaaaaay off the reservation. Rather, we will focus our efforts exclusively on the ongoing disaster that is the Obama administration, and the impending disaster which would be a Hillary administration.

And however we personally feel about The Donald (and we'll even concede that there's a chance he might be just who we need right now), he'll definitely get our vote if only because it gives us the deliciously sweet opportunity to vote against Hillary. 

Which we would do, gleefully, even if she was running against the Horrible Syphilitic Monster that Lives Under the Bed and Sharts on your Face in the Dark.

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Interesting trivia note: if you don't think Robby is the greatest robot ever, you're dead wrong.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Storm und Drang

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It's easy if you don't pay attention to the news. Or weather. Or traffic report.
As we write this on Tuesday afternoon, we have a feeling of sick anxiety and foreboding in our stomachs. We were trying to decide whether this is due to the predictions of tornadic weather for our area today (and especially for our daughter in the Oklahoma City area), or if it was anticipating Tuesday night's primary election results.

And then it dawned on us that there's really no difference between the two. Powerful forces are at work which are likely to wreak havoc, and there's really not much we can do but wait it out and hope that no one near and dear to us gets clobbered. Then again, we hoped the same thing for the Obama administration, and look where that got us.

The parallels between twisters and elections run deep. A collision of hot air with cold facts causes massive instability, and all that collected energy has to do something pretty drastic. And in the meanwhile, we watch the news coverage to see the colors rapidly changing - whether it be precinct locations or storm fronts of varying intensity.

At Hope n' Change, we've got a healthy fear of both politicians and tornadoes. The reasons for the former are obvious; the reason for the latter is that we were raised in Indiana and had enough close calls (including saying goodbye to Mrs. Jarlsberg while under our trailer as the sirens wailed, the wind roared, and sky-tentacles of destruction raked the land around us) that our pulse quickens and our bile rises when the skies turn grey-green and the clouds begin to boil.

We'd say more, only now we're starting to scare ourselves (nervous grin). In any event, here's hoping that all of us survive the coming storms - be they meteorological or, in the case of politics, totally illogical.
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Quick! Everyone into the tax shelter!
BONUS: BIRTHDAY GIRL!
As daughters go, she really DOES take the cake!
Perhaps the predicted winds are really intended to help blow out the candles on Daughter Jarlsberg's birthday cake today! We hope you'll join us in wishing her the happiest of birthdays and an exciting and successful year to come!