Monday, September 26, 2016

Collision Coarse

obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, trump, hillary, first debate, debate, train wreck, scandal

Frankly, we don't know what's going to happen tonight at the initial Trump vs Clinton debate, but we expect it to be as cataclysmic as the incident pictured above, albeit with potentially fewer survivors (politically, at least).

Hillary Clinton's campaign has cleverly been planting so many stories about her ill health in the media that it's likely many viewers will pay no attention whatsoever to her strident yammering, and will instead spend their time watching for her to cough up blood, drop like a bag of hammers from her elevated podium, have a seizure of some kind, or have one runaway eyeball bouncing around her eye socket like a billiard ball while the other gives her standard death glare directly at the camera.

Trump, of course, is a complete wild card. Despite certain opinions to the contrary, Hope n' Change believes that Trump came in dead last in every single Republican primary debate - but nobody cared because they liked hearing him shout that his opponents were liars, JFK assassination conspirators, or had tiny dicks.  None of which is easy to do when you're flapping your arms and speaking through duck lips.

That being said, Trump has been somewhat more circumspect on the campaign trail lately, and he's surely being advised to present this more dignified persona during the debate. And since Hope n' Change is supporting Trump as the most "not Hillary" candidate still in the race, we think that's a good idea.

But...

...in our heart of hearts, we're really hoping he'll go "full Donald" on Hillary for the entire 90 minutes. We want to see that wretched woman transfixed with horror as he reels off her long, long litany of sins, scandals, failures and felonies. Benghazi! Vince Foster! Character assassination and intimidation of Bill's "bimbos!" Influence peddling! Calling Americans "irredeemable" and "deplorables!"

Let's hear about her suspicious investing in cattle futures! The firing of the White House travel office staff! The Hillarycare debacle! Imaginary Bosnian sniper fire! The blue (or was it blew?) dress and the "vast Right Wing conspiracy!" Clinton Family Foundation tax fraud! Donations from murderous foreign powers! Convenient brain damage when under oath! Trafficking in watered down AIDS drugs for Africans! High-dollar secret speeches for bankers! Revealing classified information through gross and deliberate negligence! A record of 100% failure as Secretary of State! Lying to the FBI, the DOJ, Congress, and everyone else she's ever met!

We do not, however, think The Donald should lower himself by making ugly references to Hillary's bizarre clothing, wicked witch cackle, or the possibility that Chelsea is Webb Hubbell's love child.

That job belongs to those of us in journalism.

BONUS: WORLD'S MOST ANNOYING VOICE

And her belief that no one should be allowed to work without union membership is pretty friggin' annoying, too. (Full disclosure: we added the silent movie music to underscore the melodrama)



Friday, September 23, 2016

Cartoon Bonus Friday!

Readers- It's another one of those days where the cartoon part of our brain is firing on all cylinders, but the wordy part of our brain is sputtering, smoking, and possibly needs a ring job (not to be confused with a "rim job," and if you don't know the term for Heaven's sake don't look it up!)

SOooo, here's a panoply of cartoons, each worth a thousand words (or a few months in a federal re-education camp). We think you'll still get the messages loud and clear!

SCHEDULING CONFLICT
obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, north carolina, riots, race, police, soros
We think Soros not only has violent activist/agitators on speed dial, we think he ships them to troubled sites via FedEx: "When it absolutely, positively, has to be on the nightly news!"

HILLARY HUSSEIN
obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, hillary, black vote, north carolina, riots
If Hillary wins, expect a lot more rioting in the streets as things go from bad to worse in black communities - because that's exactly what the Progressive Left wants to have happen.

DONS MACABRE
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They met at the Hair Club for Men.
By the way, we should mention that in the appearances we've seen lately, Trump actually seems more lucid. This is good, because we detest Hillary more and more every time we see or hear her, and we're definitely voting for Trump - and it's easier to do so if his meds are working.

And who among us isn't looking forward to the battle royale coming up on Monday?! We imagine that scenes like the one below will be playing out in political war rooms all weekend...

PRE-FIGHT CHECKLIST
obama, obama jokes, political, humor, cartoon, conservative, hope n' change, hope and change, stilton jarlsberg, debate, rehearsal, trump, hillary, godzilla
If the debate stage doesn't have a tiny model of Tokyo on the floor, we'll be very disappointed.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Having A Blast

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Cartoon by Stilton's Dad!
Today I'm taking something of a breather for my own mental health. Looking at the news, I see that some Democrats are starting to talk about the need to regulate ownership of pressure cookers (especially high-capacity assault pressure cookers), Trump is being attacked in the Lefty media for saying that Obama was born in the United States, and B. Hussein himself is lecturing black Americans that they're racially bound (or perhaps shackled?) to vote for Hillary or it will be a "personal insult" to the anti-American jug-eared incompetent bastard. Oops! Was that a personal insult?

Moreover, I'm currently busy digitizing absolute reams of documents from my late parents, including lots of cartoons drawn by my Dad - including the bucolic apocalypse seen above. I'm genuinely not sure if the intent of the cartoon is showing how disaster can strike when you least expect it...or if it's meant to say that, even in the worst of circumstances, there can be a benefit to staying mindful of the good things around us. Come to think of it, I adhere to both beliefs simultaneously.

It's bittersweet work going through those cartoons. Lots of funny stuff and good memories, but each page is also a reminder that he's not here anymore - though as exemplified by this blog (and Johnny Optimism, for that matter) at least his unusual sense of humor lives on.

The Hope n' Change comments section is open for business, and there's plenty to talk about. See you there!   -Stilton

PS: For thorough and entertaining coverage of today's news, check out our good friends at The Daily Gouge!