Monday, May 25, 2015

Memorial Day 2015

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No politics today. Only humility, awe and gratitude for those in uniform who gave everything for this nation. Their loss is unfathomable; their gift to us immeasurable. Let us each strive to be worthy as we celebrate and defend their legacy.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Tides of War

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Be on your guard, men. Sometimes the enemy waves.
On Wednesday, Barack Obama spoke at the commencement of the US Coast Guard Academy to make the graduates aware of the crucial role they'll be playing in his War On Weather.

Specifically, he declared that "climate change constitutes a serious threat to global security - an immediate risk to our national security. And make no mistake, it will impact how our military defends our country. So we need to act and we need to act now."

As if this wasn't enough to get the graduating class glancing nervously at the skies, Obama said that failure to embrace liberal climate change orthodoxy amounted to negligence and dereliction of duty.  He then linked the raping, murdering, kidnapping, slave-trading activities of pretty much every terrorist organization to the alleged reduction in the world's precious permafrost. Put another way, he's less concerned with ISIS at our doors than ices at our poles...

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Okay, on that last point maybe a connection can be made between "weather" and terror.

BONUS: SEAL TEAM SEX

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In the first release of information coming from the raid which killed Osama Bin Laden, US officials have revealed that besides emails and organizational information, they also recovered Osama's "extensive porn collection."

While we presume that Bin Laden's spank bank contained things like a well-worn DVD of "Deep Goat," authorities aren't releasing any details because of concerns about the "nature" of the porn. Which makes us wonder - why would they care to protect Osama's reputation? Or, might they be protecting someone else...

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Explains a lot, doesn't it?
BONUS TWO: OUR HOLIDAY WISH...

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We now know that pretty much everyone in the Obama administration lied their asses off about what really happened in Benghazi. In memory of those who died there, we can't think of any "grilling" we'd enjoy more than that described above.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Distaffing Up

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Much like other award-winning, widely respected national news organizations, Hope n' Change is gearing up for the election season (and quite possibly the downfall of civilization as we know it) by adding qualified staffers to our elite team of commentators.

To that end, please meet the newest addition to our team. She's conservative, she's patriotic, she's...

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It is critically important to point out, especially to Mrs. Jarlsberg, that Busty wasn't hired just for her looks. Assuming that she is good-looking, which we have no idea about because we're old and married and don't notice such things.

Rather, Miss Ross was hired because of her impressive journalistic background, her insight into women's issues, the fact that she drinks whiskey out of a coffee cup, and her willingness (at no additional cost) to provide armed security for the Hope n' Change office tower. Honestly, she hides guns in the darnedest places!

Busty will also become a spirited debating partner for our liberal correspondent, Lefty Lucy, who has enthusiastically accepted the new arrival as her new Best Friend Forever...

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This is going to be fun.