Honest, Abe, we're with you on this one. On Tuesday, Barack Obama goes before a joint session and the American public to deliver his State of the Union speech and perhaps shoot a few skeet, with Beyoncé performing the halftime bump & grind show.
The emphasis of his speech is said to be on jobs and the economy, although it's unknown what new he'll have to say since we already know he's against both of them. And to save Hope n' Change readers a bit of time (spoiler alert!) we'll tell you what Barry will say is the only way to restore our nation's employment levels: higher taxes. Surprise!
Looking into our crystal ball, we can also tell you that the president will demonize Republicans by pretending that they (rather then he) are behind the upcoming sequester budget cuts, and he will invoke the victims of Sandy Hook Elementary to disarm Americans (Democrats are inviting victims of gun violence to the speech, although how they can fit in the entire population of Chicago remains to be seen).
President Soetoro will lie about the solvency of Social Security and Medicare and the intentions of those fiscal patriots who would actually like to save those programs. And he will demand that we get really, really serious about immigration reform and just start sending welfare checks to everyone in Mexico to save them the trouble of strolling across our unguarded borders.
Of course, the president will also take this opportunity to finally and fully explain the tragic events which took place under his watch in Benghazi.
Just kidding! There's a better chance that he'll mention the troubling accusations that Donald Duck doesn't like hugging black kids. Surely a Joe Biden fact-finding mission won't be far behind.
Frankly, we don't plan to be watching the president's speech as we prefer to maintain some sense of hope and optimism through our "glass half full" outlook on life.
Mind you, it's a big glass...and what it's half full of burns sweetly going down.
Hope n' Change Trivia: In a recent ranking by Alexa of the 150 most popular conservative websites on the Internet (and therefore the known universe), Hope n' Change Cartoons placed 140. That means we'll officially be targeted with our own drone and (dare we even hope?) get our own presidential flashcard. Our thanks to the many readers who visit and spread the word! -Stilton